I Cried At The Gym Today

Yes, I cried at the gym today.

We had a good work out, we try to do an hour or cardio, 45 minutes of weight lifting/targeting a certain body part (today we did legs) then 15 minutes of abs. The Hubs says we should try to get abs in each time, but depending on time, that doesn't always happen. Today we got done with legs faster than usual... I was busting through it! Hubs said he was proud of my progress. ♥ Yay!

So anyways, like I said we got done with legs fast so we had some time to get abs in today.
We stretched out, and then got on our mats and started out with this one workout where we lay on our backs, hands under our butt lifting our back up and legs up then move our legs up and down and side to side. A 25 count for each set. It was hard, I could hardly do them... and I just got this overwhelming feeling of defeat! Granted we had just got done with almost a 2 hour workout and my legs were already burning... but still...I wanted to be able to do them, to do better.

I could feel the tears starting to well up. The Hubs said it was ok, I didn't have to be perfect right now, and just to do what I could. We moved on to the second ab workout. This time we got belly down on the mat, and had to get up on our tip toes and elbows/forearms, and hold ourselves up. Hubs said he was gonna do a count of 30, then we could drop and then do it again. At about 5 seconds I just lost it. I was shaking so bad, I couldn't do it, I just dropped. And then the tears came. Pretty much uncontrollably. I tried to hold back, but I couldn't. I didn't want Hubs to notice, but it was pretty noticeable. I tried to stop, and couldn't seem to calm myself down. Its a good thing we were in a room by ourselves! Goodness me!

The Hubs came over and gave me a kiss and told me I was doing great and again that I didnt have to do these perfect right now, just to do what I could. It was great hearing him say those things, but it only made my crying worse. I am so thank for him and his support it means so much to me. Without him by my side doing this with me, I know I wouldn't be doing as good or at all. He is such an encouragement to me. But the thing was I still just felt so horrid in that moment. Doing these little ab workout really made me FEEL my weight.I felt SO big, SO heavy and I just couldn't hold my own weight. Its a sad thing..at least it was to me.
It made me feel terrible and discouraged and just SAD.

I thought to myself, "Sure you can do great on these machine that help you do the work, that carry your weight! But here when is up to you, you cant even hold yourself up! You are so big, you are so fat and heavy!"
I dont know why those things were going through my mind. But I just felt defeated. And it took some time for me to calm myself down and finally stop crying. I had to remind myself that those were lies. Sure of course I need to lose weight... but I am working at it. I AM getting stronger and COULD do this! I repeated Philippians 4:13 to myself as a reminder "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." And I finally stopped crying. We finished our ab workout. It wasnt easy, it burned and I was still emotional...But I did it.

 I'm still a little emotional, just writing this out, I've got tears rolling down.

But I am trying to stay positive and encouraged.

After all... I HAVE lost 6 lbs already!

In case you were wondering. ;)

6 pounds in 2 weeks is pretty good, and I have to admit I am pretty excited about it.

Knowing that I am really losing weight, that this is already paying off feels great.

Another thing I wanted to share with you all is two things that happened this week that really encouraged me. First, one of the sweet women in my church pulled me close last Sunday. She whispered in my ear "Are you losing weight!?" (this was before I had weighed myself so I didnt know if I had or not yet) But I replied "Well I am trying!" And she said "Well good for you,. I could tell you look great and I just had to tell you." She totally made my morning and I was so thankful for her uplifting words.

The second thing was a comment I recently received on my blog post forbidden.

It was an anonymous comment, though still signed, but I just had to share because so many "anonymous" comments get so much attention for their rude, unkind & mean words. Well I just HAD to share and give this amazing sweet comment some attention.

I was and actually still am wow'd by such generous words of kindness towards me. By such a big compliment. If you know me, you know I am sort of insecure, and sometimes compliments just make me feel more insecure and weird. I have a tough time accepting compliments. But I have to say... this comment really brightened my day. It really encouraged me more than I can even explain.

I can express thanks enough for ALL the kind words of encouragement, and uplifting compliments Ive gotten so far in this weight loss journey I am on. So thank you ALL again so much. Thank you for your love, prayers and amazing comments. After my day of crying, crazy emotions and all, I must say I really appreciate the fact that I have so many supporters.  Thanks again. ♥

Much Love & Hugs,

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