Thursday, March 15, 2012

I Cried At The Gym Today

Yes, I cried at the gym today.

We had a good work out, we try to do an hour or cardio, 45 minutes of weight lifting/targeting a certain body part (today we did legs) then 15 minutes of abs. The Hubs says we should try to get abs in each time, but depending on time, that doesn't always happen. Today we got done with legs faster than usual... I was busting through it! Hubs said he was proud of my progress. ♥ Yay!

So anyways, like I said we got done with legs fast so we had some time to get abs in today.
We stretched out, and then got on our mats and started out with this one workout where we lay on our backs, hands under our butt lifting our back up and legs up then move our legs up and down and side to side. A 25 count for each set. It was hard, I could hardly do them... and I just got this overwhelming feeling of defeat! Granted we had just got done with almost a 2 hour workout and my legs were already burning... but still...I wanted to be able to do them, to do better.

I could feel the tears starting to well up. The Hubs said it was ok, I didn't have to be perfect right now, and just to do what I could. We moved on to the second ab workout. This time we got belly down on the mat, and had to get up on our tip toes and elbows/forearms, and hold ourselves up. Hubs said he was gonna do a count of 30, then we could drop and then do it again. At about 5 seconds I just lost it. I was shaking so bad, I couldn't do it, I just dropped. And then the tears came. Pretty much uncontrollably. I tried to hold back, but I couldn't. I didn't want Hubs to notice, but it was pretty noticeable. I tried to stop, and couldn't seem to calm myself down. Its a good thing we were in a room by ourselves! Goodness me!

The Hubs came over and gave me a kiss and told me I was doing great and again that I didnt have to do these perfect right now, just to do what I could. It was great hearing him say those things, but it only made my crying worse. I am so thank for him and his support it means so much to me. Without him by my side doing this with me, I know I wouldn't be doing as good or at all. He is such an encouragement to me. But the thing was I still just felt so horrid in that moment. Doing these little ab workout really made me FEEL my weight.I felt SO big, SO heavy and I just couldn't hold my own weight. Its a sad thing..at least it was to me.
It made me feel terrible and discouraged and just SAD.

I thought to myself, "Sure you can do great on these machine that help you do the work, that carry your weight! But here when is up to you, you cant even hold yourself up! You are so big, you are so fat and heavy!"
I dont know why those things were going through my mind. But I just felt defeated. And it took some time for me to calm myself down and finally stop crying. I had to remind myself that those were lies. Sure of course I need to lose weight... but I am working at it. I AM getting stronger and COULD do this! I repeated Philippians 4:13 to myself as a reminder "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." And I finally stopped crying. We finished our ab workout. It wasnt easy, it burned and I was still emotional...But I did it.

 I'm still a little emotional, just writing this out, I've got tears rolling down.
But I am trying to stay positive and encouraged.
After all... I HAVE lost 6 lbs already!
In case you were wondering. ;)
6 pounds in 2 weeks is pretty good, and I have to admit I am pretty excited about it.
Knowing that I am really losing weight, that this is already paying off feels great.

Another thing I wanted to share with you all is two things that happened this week that really encouraged me. First, one of the sweet women in my church pulled me close last Sunday. She whispered in my ear "Are you losing weight!?" (this was before I had weighed myself so I didnt know if I had or not yet) But I replied "Well I am trying!" And she said "Well good for you,. I could tell you look great and I just had to tell you." She totally made my morning and I was so thankful for her uplifting words.

The second thing was a comment I recently received on my blog post forbidden.
It was an anonymous comment, though still signed, but I just had to share because so many "anonymous" comments get so much attention for their rude, unkind & mean words. Well I just HAD to share and give this amazing sweet comment some attention.
I was and actually still am wow'd by such generous words of kindness towards me. By such a big compliment. If you know me, you know I am sort of insecure, and sometimes compliments just make me feel more insecure and weird. I have a tough time accepting compliments. But I have to say... this comment really brightened my day. It really encouraged me more than I can even explain.

I can express thanks enough for ALL the kind words of encouragement, and uplifting compliments Ive gotten so far in this weight loss journey I am on. So thank you ALL again so much. Thank you for your love, prayers and amazing comments. After my day of crying, crazy emotions and all, I must say I really appreciate the fact that I have so many supporters.  Thanks again. ♥

Much Love & Hugs,

P.S. Did you notice my In Post Sponsor??
Please give her a visit, you wont regret it!!

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18 comments:

  1. Amazing post, it give me encouragement to get really moving on my own getting healthy program! Remember that muscle weighs more than fat so it is not just about the number on the scale but how fit you are becoming. I am proud of you. I wish Bruce was here to kick my butt in a workout. I definately need a push. You are an awesome beautiful person and in only 29 days I will get to see you and the rest of my cali family again. Can't wait.

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  2. You can totally do this and a six pound weight loss in two weeks is awesome!! Keep at it, you'll do great!

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    1. Thank you! I was pretty happy about that 6 lbs! I appreciate the encouragement. ♥

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  3. Oh girlie...Planks are murder!!!! I cry too. Good for you for even trying. I started my weight loss two years ago with a total loss of 70 lbs. You can do it. You are blessed with a supportive hubby. Stick it out...you are setting a great example for your babies too.

    Xoxo

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    1. Haha well glad to know Im not the only one who cries over them!! LOL They are SO hard. Im gonna keep at it though! Thanks for the encouragement! ♥

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  4. You are amazing! 6lbs is a big deal! Congrats! I too am working on getting in shape. I am planning to run a 5k in may and my goal is to not walk it at all, just run/jog. Your struggles and progress are so encouraging to me! Keep it up!

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    1. Wow that is awesome!! I'll be rooting for you girl! ♥ I am so glad that my posts help encourage you too!

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  5. You are amazing! 6lbs is a big deal! Congrats! I too am working on getting in shape. I am planning to run a 5k in may and my goal is to not walk it at all, just run/jog. Your struggles and progress are so encouraging to me! Keep it up!

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  6. First of all Babe, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!! I am so thankful you have a wonderful husband in Bruce, he is very motivated & encouraging to you, so strong willed & loving, You both are very Blessed to have each other. Its great he is working with you, I wish Mike would be this way with me, he is encouraging but not working with me =(
    Next, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, just the way you are! I know exactly what you mean tho, we are hardest on ourselves, I have a hard time accepting compliments because of this & remembering always being put down when I was younger especially when it was by the ones you love, I feel I've failed myself gaining 20lbs back after losing so much & its so hard to get off at my age & with my chronic pain. (this weather isn't helping)
    YOU give me encouragement baby girl I want you to know this, I look forward to reading your posts You give me energy, hope & joy. ILOVEYOU<3 Keep up the great work & pray about it everyday.

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    1. Thanks Mom! I love you too. Its sad thinking about you being put down. :( I guess compliments can be hard for all of us! And I am proud of you too... this biggest loser idea is wonderful! I cant wait for out family day!! I was telling Bruce we need to plan a day for everyone to come over and play kinect... you can get a real good work out playing those games!! Seriously, on a day we couldnt make it to the gym we just played kinect with the kids and I was sweating like crazy! But its way fun! :)

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  7. You almost made me cry reading this!! I would have burst into tears if I saw you like that at the gym!! You should never feel defeated, Maria. In a couple weeks, you'll look back and feel proud of the progress you've made during the ab workouts!! Promise!! Victory isn't as sweet when it's easy. And always remember to focus on the CHANGE. That's how you get RESULTS! Never focus on the results, bc you won't see the change. Change is where you will feel refreshed and motivated-- and it sounds like you are well on your way! 6 lbs in two weeks is a great change!

    Be proud mama! You really are a beautiful, beautiful girl. And I'm not just throwing out meaningless compliments. Seriously, you are lovely and should never doubt that!

    Have a great weekend...and be encouraged, friend! Lots of Love!

    xxKristaxx

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    1. Krista, thank you so much for this comment. I cried (again) when I read it. You are so wonderful, I am blessed to be able to call you friend! ♥♥

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  8. Very honest post! I remember those dreaded ab excercises in high school....not my fav and they were hard back then even when I was in shape. I can't even imagine what would happen if I were to try them now.
    So sweet of your husband to be right by your side. It's so much better to have a workout buddy!
    Keep up the great work!!

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  9. Hey girl! I have been reading your blog forev but this is my first comment (I think?). I am blown away by your strength and honesty! You share things with your followers that might be uncomfortable, but you are always so honest and that is what I love about you!! You are doing so fab on your venture to lose weight and I am positive you will succeed and meet all of your goals! Keep at it girlfriend!! You are SUCH a beautiful person both inside and out and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise!! Much love and blessings!!

    -Marissa

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  10. You are doing AMAZING! You are ACTUALLY doing it and that is MORE than a lot of people could say, including me!! I know how you feel. It's so hard to realize what we do to ourselves sometimes. We hide it and try our best not to think of it. But then you're faced with something like you just went through and it hits you like a ton of bricks. You have what sounds to be a wonderful, loving, understanding and supportive husband. Not all women are so lucky. I AM, just in case anyone was wondering. And you're as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. SO proud of you girl. You can do this, because YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST! Love you!!!

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  11. Girl, I dont even know you but feel very connected to you. What I said came from more than my heart! I feel God wants to know that if He leads you to it, He will bring you thru it!!! When I was at my heaviest, we were planning a vacay to Mexico. I spent 8 mos getting ready for that vacay, which involved working out in my home to DVD's every day. I can't tell you how many times I would lay on the floor, crying, praying thru the sobbing to just get thru it. I felt so silly, many people have overcome adversity including me, getting thru a very painful childhood. I too kept reminding myself that I could do ALL things thru Christ........ I would also put on my 'armour' before a workout so satan couldn't get my thoughts all twisted to make me feel unworthy!!!! You Are Worthy!!! You have your Lord, your Hubs, your kids & ALL of us here rootin & prayin for you!!!! You are in my prayers Maria-Isabel!!!!! Chelle kweenbee_612@yahoo.com

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  12. Aw honey, I'm sorry you were feeling so bad! But you are absolutely right, you CAN do this and hey, you DID it after feeling that emotional and that is HARD (as a bit of a crier myself, I know this). Weightloss (or what I want to start calling "health gain" since that's a more positive outlook) is a difficult journey, but remember "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." You have already taken the first steps, which can be the hardest and I'm confident you can finish the journey one step at a time! Prayers for you and know you have several cheerleaders in your corner, and I'm proud of you already :)

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