Saturday, November 10, 2012

Some Truths About Me

Shirt: Gypsy Warrior (as seen here), Vest: Maurices, Red Skinnies: Walmart, Shoes: Payless
Bow: Curious Miss Clay, Earrings c/o: Annabell & Louise Designs, Bracelet: Agape Love Designs

Today I wanted to give you all a good dose of TRUTH here.

Not that I have been anything but truthful here, but as bloggers we do tend to always post the good truth.
Sometimes we come off as rainbows and sunshine.
Sometimes it seems like our lives are perfect and we have everything.

Im sure if you're a blogger you might understand the reason why it seems like this,
but if you're not a blogger, let me explain something...

At least for me, I did not make my blog to moan and complain about life, or to air my "dirty laundry" to a bunch of strangers.

What I want my blog to be is a place of encouragement, inspiration, and hope.. With a lot of fun, colorful,  craftyness, fashion, photography etc thrown in!

I want my blog to be a fun place for people to enjoy, not a place to wallow in self-pity or anger over the bad stuff in life.

At the same time I would hope that my blog reflects a true reality of my life, and not just all the "amazing" parts of it. Because I would hate for anyone to think I was just trying to be something or someone I was not. Or think that I have it all together, because I DONT! I am a constant work in progress, as everyone is.

I BELIEVE I have done a pretty good job at that, by sharing my struggles... Like my struggles through my weight loss journey, like that time I cried at the gym, and when I was at a plateau. Recently I shared how I was really hurt and had to deal with the business of forgiveness.

HOWEVER, just in case there are any doubts, I will be sharing some real truth about me here today.
I'm opening up, so I hope I am not judged too harshly.
Here goes....

I sometimes have anger issues.
Sometimes the slightest thing, annoyance, even some sounds frustrate me.
Hubs makes fun of me and calls me "The Hulk" because I will constantly say "Stop, you're making me angry!"

I don't like being angry, but sometimes I just am and I am not sure why!
Its something I am always working on.

Also I think I may come off as super cheerful online. And don't get me wrong, I am very happy.
But I am actually a very mellow and mostly serious person in real life.

My husband is super silly most of the time, and that bugs me sometimes. haha
I KNOW I should be more silly too, and want to be at times, but I also think he needs to be more serious.

I will say, though, that my husband does have a VERY valid reason for being silly all the time.
Some of you may know he was in the military.
The Army, actually, for 7 years. He is retired now. Medically.

He did two deployments to Iraq. Each a year long.
We got married right after his first deployment.
He has seen so much awful things, seen people die (including one of his best friends),
and YES he has had killed people... (And for the love, please dont ever ask anyone who has been to war if they killed anyone. Its not something they enjoy admitting or talking about.)
His job was in the infantry.
So, he doesn't like to be serious, because being serious forces him have to remember seriously bad things.

I get that.
And truthfully I started crying as I was writing that.

Since we are on THIS topic, I will say that because of all he has been through with this...
Coping with everything that comes with war, separation, death, it had been a HUGE struggle on our marriage.

We had come seriously close to divorce.

And this might sound trite to some of you, but it is true...
What got us through was my faith, love and trust in a God that is bigger than what we were going through.
A God that I KNEW wanted us to be together.
Who wanted to SAVE our marriage and renew our love.
And we got through because I wanted that too, and wouldn't give up on him!

I can say I have been through SO MUCH CRAP, with my husband because of all he has gone through himself. BUT I DO LOVE HIM. And yes I AM happy. We are happy. SO I will be joyous about our marriage and brag/love on my husband in my blog because THAT is truth too. We have come through so much and are only stronger because of it, and I believe we are both better people because of it, too!

But if you ever thought or assumed I had a perfect always wonderfully harmonious marriage because of my post well you'd be wrong.

My marriage and husband are wonderful and amazing, but we are far from perfect. And we do have times that are rough. As everyone does! Its just Ive learned not to continue to dwell on the bad. And I choose to uplift my husband in front of people, NOT to put him down.

Moving on...

I hate doing laundry. This is no secret.
But sometimes I will have piles of laundry sitting on my couch for a week, before I put them away. :(
I am not a messy person, but I just feel overwhelmed by laundry that is never ending!
Yes, I realize how pathetic that may make me sound. 

I am not a "kid" person.
I always said I never wanted kids, and would never have kids.
Of course I truly LOVE my kids. They are the best, and now I am thankful I did have kids.
Ive learned so much from them, and from being a mom. I couldn't imagine life with out them!
But still I'm not one who really enjoys the company of kids in general.
I don't hate kids or hate being around them, or anything, but I just don't enjoy it that much either.

I am terrible at consoling a person, in person or physically.
I can write and console a person that way via email or text.
But in person I truly feel awkward and don't know how to react, what to do or say to a person crying or who has been hurt in some way.

I struggle with the idea of being a "good" person.
Not because I dont want to be a good person, I do!
But I feel like when people tell me I am, or talk me up, or compliment me...
I just almost hate it. Because I feel like I am NOT such a great person.
I feel like I can be a monster at times.
I can be so mean at times.
I can be rude, impatient, "un-christian" like... whatever that means, a bad example,
a bad wife, a bad mom, judgmental, insensitive, a hypocrite and the list goes on!
So I dont feel worthy of being called a good person.
But I do STRIVE to always be a better person than I was the day before.

I am sure there are plenty of other things I can admit about myself,
but right now I am tired and drawing a blank...
Even still I hope I got my point across; I am a real person, with a normal life.
I am happy but of course my life isn't perfect, I just choose to make it the best I can.
And that's what I want to share with the world.

No ones life is perfect.
Everyone has their battles to face, and tough things to go through.
I wish there was a lot less judging and jealousy in this world.
I'm sad to think there are people out there who may be judging me,
but I am sure it has, and maybe is currently happening...

However, being a public blogger, I realize this will happen and accept it.
So, Im just going to do my best to keep it real!
And I hope you all see that behind each and every blog is a REAL person.
And no matter how they come across on their blog, please understand we are all human.
So lets try not to be too harsh, jealous, bitter, or mean. Ok?

Much Love & Hugs,
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  1. Thanks for this, Maria! I love how you said in life you choose to uplift your husband, not put him down. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows out there. Blogging is just one facet of our everyday, weekly, bi-weekly or here-and-there lives. We are mothers, wives, friends, sisters etc... before we are bloggers. We have our own feelings, desires, likes and dislikes. Putting yourself in the "spotlight" so-to-speak on a blog really makes you reevaluate your words. I DO have an issue with myself (quite a few actually.) However, the one that seems most unfair to my family is my problem dealing with anger. Sometimes I become so angry with the small things in life that I feel like it eats away at me. I choose to go lay down and sleep a few hours so that I can wake up and "deal" with it all. Well, there's more I can write that I agree with you on but motherly duties call.

  2. I applaud you for this post. It's very easy to forget that just because people share things online, it doesn't mean they are sharing EVERYTHING. No matter how often you read a blog, you're still only reading what that person *chooses* to write about. We ALL have our issues and dirty laundry, and to use that against others or make them feel bad about it is just wrong.

    I can definitely understand the issues you mention with your husband- I have some of the same ones with mine. He was also in the military and recovering from deployments is tremendously difficult. We also have the same issue with him constantly joking and me wanting something a bit more serious. Like you, though, I try to do my best to only put speak about the good in him on my blog (and in person) because the reality is- that good outweighs any "bad" in our relationship and that's what I need to always remember and what I want others to see.

  3. :-) I'm so glad I have been following you lately! You just make me want to hug you right now. Lol is that weird? Well it's true.
    I'm sure you read the secrets post on Erin's blog and maybe that's what spurred you to write this, but either way this was dead on. I never would have thought you to struggle with anger, but at least you try to work on it and that's a big step in the right direction. Have you seen fireproof? Did that help you during your rough patch of marriage? I feel like we should watch it like every other month haha it really touched our marriage and I've only been married 2 years.
    Well, I think you are awesome and proud of all that you have accomplished!
    P.s. when do we share our share your style post? And will we have another one with the same buddy because I'd love to have the same partner maybe a couple more times. It's been awesome :-)

  4. Wow! I shared some confessions awhile back, and a couple were practically word for word! I hear you on the anger thing too. We had a hardship in our marriage awhile back, and ever since then I've had a little bit of an anger problem. I hate that I was the one so affected by other people's choices, but that's just the way it ended up.

  5. Thank you for being honest! You are not alone and I love that your always willing to share your heart. xoxo

  6. That was the most beatiful and honest blog story I have ever read :) Thanks for that. And your weight lost story is amazing! I think you can do much much better :) You and your husband are great! :) idil


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